July 5, 2018

This shift has been amazing so far, sweet Jesus. I’ve spent a couple hours online shopping for a new smart watch, listening to some chill tunes while walking all over the hospital, telling disgusting stories to my coworkers.

My coworkers and I were sharing stories about phlegm while hanging out in the nurse station. I told my one coworker that I had a story to top them all. James uses a pop can to spit into, and he just leaves it in the bedroom… Well his girlfriend was drinking that same type of pop one day…. Hahahahahahaha my coworker immediately vomited the moment I said that story – I didn’t even finish, go into details, nothing. She RUNS to the nearest trash can and heaves. Hahahahahahaha I was DYING of laughter. Am I a twisted human being? Most fucking likely.

After that, I kept an eye on another nurse’s patients while she was on break. One of her patients called me in to empty his urine containers. I did that, no problem and asked if he needed anything else. “Actually… I just want to talk, if that’s okay. I can’t sleep because I keep thinking about dying. They’re talking about hospice tomorrow. I’m 76, I’m not scared to die; I just don’t like the idea of not living. ” He then told me his story.

It’s really hard to talk about death to people who are dying. I’ve never been there, or anywhere close to where they are. I’m not really sure what to even say. But it’s a common conversation around the cancer unit… And I had to learn how to just listen. Listen and realize how much I want to live every second of my life as much as I possibly can. I realized so fast that I won’t be enjoying my life talking about death with cancer patients who tell you over and over “live while you’re young” “enjoy your health while you have it.” It’s immensely depressing, so I’m gonna follow their advice… And I hope I’m doing the right thing.


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