July 21, 2018

I listened to a very interesting podcast at work last night. I really want to talk about it…even though it kinda freaks me out as much as it intrigues me.

I listened to a podcast episode that talks about dating from the perspectives of three

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different people in my age group. All three had different perspectives including being mostly uninterested in dating, interested but having poor luck, and being in a long term relationship. One revolving message that kept coming up was this feeling of “of course.” If you’re in a relationship with the person you’re meant to be with, “of course” you’re going to get married. The idea of not being with them would be absolutely ridiculous. I reflected a lot on that with my own relationship with Derek. It’s interesting to me because I’ve felt that feeling of “of course” from extremely early on in our relationship…but I honestly don’t think he’s as…”of course” as I am. I don’t really feel like I’m speaking from a point of insecurity right now. It just seems to be that way since I tend to put more effort into the relationship, planning special dates, I want sex way more, I value communicating every day and having deeper conversations far more than he does. And I’m not really sure what I should do with that information.

I guess the only thing anyone can do is enjoy the relationship for what it is – as long as it’s enjoyable (which I obviously am haha). And see where it does lol. That’s all for now because I need to sleeeeeeeep

 

 

 

 

July 20, 2018

The past couple days have been a little hectic and I totally missed writing yesterday, but eh. Fuck it. I want to share a little summary because I had so much fun last night.

James and I went to the drag bar. Just he (she) and I. Almost literally. I mean there was literally one other paying customer there, and then 7 or 8 actual drag performers. LOL. I could not believe how few people were there, but we still had a fucking blast. It was almost more intimate, actually interacting more with the performers, and also James (aka Katie at this time) actually got out there and danced – which is huge for her. It’s been really hard for her to get out of her shell in public (understandably). So yeah, last night was phenomenal.

I realized that it was kinda a weird situation all around. I talked about last night with my sister, Christine, today. Not only was it a shock that James enjoys cross-dressing (I could’ve sworn I told her that before hmmmm), but I realized it sounded weird that I was hanging out with him alone at a bar lol. I guess in my mind, it felt like a girl’s night if anything hahaha. Plus, James has been one of my best friends for a very long time, so my boyfriend didn’t give a shit lol.

ANYWAY, I want to talk briefly about today as well. Today, among the many times I woke up throughout the day (ahhh hangovers…), I noticed that I got my pre-work email for my programming class!!! I NEED TO START THAT! I HAVE THREE WEEKS TO FINISH!!!! AHHH I’M SO EXCITED!!!!

Finally, I officially woke up to get ready for my sister’s best friend’s wedding reception. I met Derek there after he got off work. Damn, was it beautiful. I mean that whole-heartedly. It was absolutely gorgeous. The venue was actually basically a huge barn at an automotive proving grounds location. The people were friendly, the music selection was perfect, the daddy-daughter dance bit made me fucking bawl (not that this is unusual lol), the bar was most definitely open, and the FOOD. OH MY GOD, THE FOOD!

After my hangover this morning, I wasn’t planning to drink at all. But that changed with a little peer pressure from my family and Derek hahaha. Derek was LIT. He was out there dancing his fucking heart out. I’m always the one out there dancing non-stop when it comes to weddings/parties/dancing that involves alcohol. So, I wanted to be on his level, AT LEAST. So I drank one drink…Then another…….hmm….then another….nothing. I felt nothing. What the hell, I ordered a rum and diet. I watched the bartender pour both ingredients. I ordered yet another. Nada. So I gave up on drinking and tried to suck it up and pretend to suppress my inhibitions. My liver must have been in overdrive from last night.

Alcohol is a very interesting substance. It’s definitely a tool for me in situations where I tend to lack confidence – usually when I’m dancing or meeting a large amount of people. It’s so weird to me how alcohol makes these things (that would normally cause anxiety) effortless. I often wonder if there’s a way to hone that skill without drinking at all. It would definitely be cheaper…and better for my liver…and way better for weight control. That’s something I plan to work on.

Anyway. I had a great time dancing with my parents, Derek and Christine 🙂 We took some bomb-ass pictures too. There was even an after party in the hotel lobby. I went to that, and we learned how to play peeknuckle…pinuckle? That one card game that’s like euchre. I’m not a huge fan of card games, but I sat down and learned for the first game. My Peeknuckle mentor wanted me to play the second game by myself, just guided by him… but I really didn’t want to play. I really don’t like card games. I think it’s because I’m not a competitive person. But I was really proud of myself because usually I would’ve just played another round to make him happy – but I told him no, I’d rather spectate. He tried to change my mind, but I was firm. I was really proud of myself for being honest about what I wanted.

July 18, 2018

I had a busy but reasonable shift. I worked fairly efficiently. I realized today though that I might be a little too efficient because I love multitasking a little too much. There was a point in my morning that I was drawing blood from a central line while checking the patient’s intake and output then subsequently slowly infusing a nausea medication while charting my lab collection into the computer. That is a 7 minute process, and I effectively made it into a very complicated 4 minute process. Please, hold your applause.

I felt empowered today after my break. I spent the hour listening to a few YouTube videos about conversation skills. One video specifically recommended cutting the small talk when you meet someone, and just ask questions that make them think. I thought it was so fucking cool. People who were willing to share answers to questions like “What do you want to do before you die?” instantly connected to the stranger that asked it. Many even got emotional. It made me a little emotional AHHH. One day I hope to try it (or even make deep questions a regular conversation starter).

I also stayed over after work today with one of my coworkers for a one hour “Super User” class. Basically, this means that we are learning about a new technology so we can teach other people on our unit how to use it as well. I’m not 100% sure why I decided to continue doing this obligation even though I know I’m going to leave in a couple months. I think part of me wanted it on my resume, part of me liked the idea of an extra hour on my paycheck, and I also just kinda felt like I should give back to my unit in some way…Regardless, I’m happy I went. I ended up getting a nice little giggle hearing my coworker’s little baby snores as the presenter droned on hahahaha. I didn’t know whether I should tap her awake or just enjoy the quiet sleepy sounds. Spoiler alert: I did not wake her >:3.

I also realize I’ve told a lot of my coworkers about my career change plans. I really can’t believe how supportive they are about it :). It makes me feel so much more confident about my decision when people get excited for me. I really need to keep my mouth shut though lmao. I have a few more months to go, yet.

July 17, 2018

I WORKED. AND IT SUCKED. Okay…Well it wasn’t the worst shift I’ve had. I still wished I wasn’t there wiping butts. One of my coworkers made a really good point during our shift last night. Nobody at our job ever says “I’m so excited to come back to work” or “I love being here.” I will hear “I can’t wait to go home” or “I wish I didn’t have to come back tonight” at least 10 times per shift, however. Hell, I’ll say it myself at least 10 times a shift. I think that’s very interesting. Granted, we’re all paid to be there for a reason – but there are very few people on my unit that actually seem to enjoy being there. This is something that takes up 3/7ths of our week…And nobody likes it.

For a while I would hear people say that they enjoy their job, and I legitimately wouldn’t even believe them. I’ve heard many of my peers talk about their jobs (many of which have been in their fields for the same amount of time I have). They say that they really like the challenges or that they really find the work satisfying. I was at my most cynical at about the 6 month mark of my new nursing job; I would spend my free time calculating how much money I’d need to save each month to retire at the age of 35 or how soon I could get a roommate so I could live off part-time wages. I even aimed to get a graduate degree in nursing so I could afford to enjoy retirement even sooner. It was about that time when I really couldn’t believe that anyone really liked their job. You get degrees so you can survive (easier) and that’s it. And what scares me the most in hindsight is that it seemed so normal to me to just trade your life away until you get to enjoy your retirement years. I think that’s a thought process I learned from my dad.

I’ve accepted that a lot of people actually do genuinely enjoy what they do. This gave me a lot of hope for my future – that there’s more to look forward to each day than retirement or working as little as possible. This is what really launched me into the search for non-nursing careers.

Anyway, that’s enough ranting for now – I need SLEEP…

July 16, 2018

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

I really enjoyed my day off. I woke up around 3pm and headed to the mall! I had an online order to pick up hehe. I bought this mug on clearance that says “LIT” with a flame around it. I just want people to know how I feel after my morning coffee/tea hahaha. I’ve been doing so much online shopping recently. Actually online “looking” or “contemplating” would be more accurate…I haven’t actually bought very much because I’m a stingy motherfucker (ESPECIALLY while I’m saving up for my 3 months off from work), but man have I spent so much time looking at things I really would love to get.

WARNING: I’m about to have a huge rant about money so buckle up, boys. Basically, when I shop for anything, I will sit there for minutes/hours/days weighing how much I will use certain things, how much I actually want them, how much time I’d have to spend at work to actually make that amount of money, other options I could use that I already own, if I’m willing to wait until I find it for cheaper at a thrift store or as a hand-me-down, etc etc etc. For example, I have spent the last week going back and forth on whether or not I should buy a smart watch to replace my the FitBit Derek gave me. Derek gave it to me because he impulse bought this really nice $300 smart watch…but I just cant justify spending so much money when I already have this FitBit that does everything I want it to. So I’ve been searching cheaper alternatives, ‘used’ options, different bands for my current FitBit, 3-4 different online stores. So I’m basically spending at least $100 just because I want something that looks cooler. AND THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY. And today they have that stupid Prime Day thing so I started my research all over again lol. I shit you not, I have spent at LEAST 12 hours over the last week researching smart watches alone. I should’ve been a financial analyst hahahaha. I’m extremely good with my money – almost to a fault, I’d say. I budget/track every expense to the penny. I genuinely think that more people need to understand where their money goes how it relates to the value of their time. I’m proud that I have a great nest egg that allows me to easily do cool things like not work for three months and pay for a full time coding bootcamp without needing to take out a loan or move back in with my parents. However, the degree I care about saving money definitely stresses me out. I 100% get this from my dad – he is an accountant lol.

I’ve officially decided not to get a smart watch (once again lol) by the way.

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After my mall visit, I went to help my good friends, Cece and Ryan, move into their new house :). It was really nice!! I was scrubbing so much that I got 16,000 steps on my FitBit today….oops lol. It made me so excited to get my own house with Derek one day :). They treated me to a really nice dinner. And Ryan said he might be able to fix my broken AC IN MY CAR!!!!!! Cece has almost the exact same car as me, and he fixed almost the exact same issue last year on hers. AHHH!!!! I’ve been driving around with no AC in this 90+ degree weather for the last couple months now. I knew it would cost SO MUCH MONEY (we’re talking up to $1,000) to diagnose and fix the parts, so I decided to just live with it until it got cooler again. Maybe I’d fix it next summer. BUT IF HE CAN FIX IT FOR JUST THE COST OF LABOR I WILL FUCKING SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After cleaning their house, I went back home and watched Star Trek non stop for the last 6 hours like a fucking bum. Schmee is hanging out with me currently too :). He likes being a bum as well. And my roommate is just now getting ready for work (its 5am actually) so I should probably head to sleep soon haha. I gotta work tomorrow (later today) so not especially psyched about that.

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July 15, 2018

Derek and I woke up today nice and early (10:30am haha) to get ready for my family’s reunion gathering! It was not easy getting up that early for either of us…We were both ready for a nap the second that alarm went off. But we made it over there :). And my whole extended family enjoyed a wide variety of pierogi flavors – as well as the ensuing carb crashes hahaha.

I also spent at least 45 minutes loving on the hosts’ cat. It was awesome having a cat around the actually likes to be pet for more than two and a half minutes…YES, I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, SCHMEE…

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My cousin took us out on his boat for a lake tour. This was wonderful in every way except the sweltering 90+ degree humidity we dealt with. I can’t believe Derek wore long fucking khaki pants all day. That man complains about the heat, but refuses to wear a pair of shorts! Serves him right, humph!! I also spent a fair amount of the boat ride talking to my cousin, Greg… He and I used to be best buddies growing up, but recently I realized that we have grown way too far apart to remain friends. He’s become more self-centered, and I’ve grown to take less and less shit from people. We were cordial today though. It was nice catching up, but I can tell that people don’t change overnight :(. Even James has mentioned that he doesn’t want to hang out with Greg anymore for those exact reasons :(. What a shame.

At the end of the day, one of my aunts popped the dreaded question: “So Ann, how are all of your animals??” Of course my dad had to be right there when they asked…”Well, actually, Auntie, it’s just ‘animal’ right now.” I was hoping to put off telling my dad for a while longer, but I guess it had to come out sometime. Explaining why I decided to give up my ferrets to my friend always makes me feel so guilty and judged, even though it was the best possible scenario for everyone involved. And I’m not going to lie, I was expecting an “I told you so” from my dad, but he actually reacted very respectfully about it. Phew, one life change down – about 5 more to go on my list of things I need to eventually tell him about haha.

Afterwards, I went home and hung out with my roommate, Emma! She’s great to hang

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out with :). We made a midnight run to the grocery store to buy sweets and ended up leaving with like 5 different types of fruits and vegetables LOL. We’re both really into health and nutrition, so that seemed oddly appropriate. We also discovered that we are extremely compatible in our taste for cherries; she will eat the bright, crunchy ones, and I like the dark, juicy ones. So we brought our bag of cherries home and ate them while binge watching “A Handmaid’s Tale” on Hulu. How the fuck did we somehow end up leaving off on the exact same episode??? I DONT KNOW, BUT IT WAS PERFECT!!!

It was a lovely day. I can’t wait for tomorrow :).

July 13-14, 2018

It’s gonna be a double day extravaganza hahaha. I wasn’t able to write yesterday, but I had such a great time. Shortly after waking up, I went with Derek to his friend’s house to have a backyard movie night featuring the original Friday the 13th movie. I had such a wonderful time :3. I was also very intoxicated, which was great too.

Today, woke up to go to one of my friend’s weddings. It’s crazy how many people I know from high school are getting married. It was so fun though! The ceremony itself was very unique. It was a traditional Romanian wedding which entails crowns, drinking, eating, and dancing. As soon as they put on crowns I just look over directly at Derek and say “yo, we need crowns.” He just laughed.

After the ceremony we had a wonderful dinner, very strong alcoholic beverages, and plenty of dancing. I realized it is very hard to be both intoxicated and dancing in heels.

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But TOOOTALLY I nailed it. I also caught up with one of my old friends from high school, which was really nice :). The first time I really got to know that person was in 10th grade. I used to be really shy and I didn’t know anybody in my lunch schedule, so I spent the first few lunches of the semester eating in the bathroom stall. It was humiliating, but somehow I felt like that was better than going up to someone’s lunch table and introducing myself haha. Anyway, this person came right up to me one day, having no idea that I was spending my lunch for a couple days from a scene out of Mean Girls, and she excitedly told me to come sit with her and her friends. And I did. I spent every lunch that semester hanging out with her and her friends. It felt so good :). I should’ve told her about that tonight; I’m not sure why I didn’t.

YO AND I ALSO CAUGHT THE BOUQUET. And by “caught” I mean the bride threw it weakly onto the floor in front of everyone and I raced for it HAHAHA. I grabbed it and pointed straight to Derek hahahahahaha. Of course, then I had the guy put the garter on me and we danced, which was hilarious :).

After the wedding reception, Derek and I came home and CRASHED. I’m probably going to crash again in a second too. I’m POOPED.