August 1, 2018

I worked last night at the hospital, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much I didn’t want to be there. It sounds so awful…but I can’t even imagine working there full-time until the end of the year. I can’t imagine that’s how a career is supposed to feel.

I also had a lot of anxiety about this. My brain loves to turn to the “what if’s” of the situation – as anxiety often causes you to do. I kept asking myself: what if I’m never satisfied with a career? What if all I like to do is constantly change from one thing to another? What if all I like is novelty, and I’ll grow tired of anything I choose?

I thought about my Enneagram personality test result. I’m an Enthusiast to the most extreme degree – that basically means I’m driven by novelty and excitement (while still remaining practical of course)….Although I don’t remember always being that way, I’m definitely that way now. This year has been the most intense year for change that I’ve ever had. I’ve decided to make a HUGE life change from nursing to computer programming. I’m going to be moving in with my boyfriend, which is completely new territory for me. I’m also planning to adopt another cat – one who can’t use half of her body by the way lol. And I’ve started volunteering at the local cat shelter as of last week (I get to go there later today!!!). Almost all these new things are starting in October. I am frantically excited. SO EXCITED.

But I can’t help but wonder…What happens next year when I’m hired into (hopefully) my dream job? What happens when I reach my destination? Will I do the same thing as my first few days as a nurse? Will I immediately want to seek the next new and exciting change? If I’m nervous or scared about any of the multitude of things coming up – it’s that last question.

I really would like to see a therapist to get another perspective on all this. If I wasn’t so concerned about saving up my money right now, I would.